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in Wonderland"},{"term":"Apartment Tour"},{"term":"Baby Shoot"},{"term":"Baby Shower"},{"term":"Bangs"},{"term":"Best of Disneyland"},{"term":"Birth Story"},{"term":"Books"},{"term":"Christmas In The Park"},{"term":"Circus"},{"term":"Clarisonic"},{"term":"Color Factory"},{"term":"Concert"},{"term":"Confessions"},{"term":"Custom Illustration"},{"term":"Drunk Elephant"},{"term":"Ear Piercings"},{"term":"Easter Basket"},{"term":"Ellie Goulding"},{"term":"Engaged"},{"term":"Engagement Party"},{"term":"Eyelash Extensions"},{"term":"Fa La Land"},{"term":"Fair"},{"term":"Funko"},{"term":"Gift Guide"},{"term":"Giveaway"},{"term":"Goals"},{"term":"Grinchmas"},{"term":"Harveys"},{"term":"Hello Kitty Cafe"},{"term":"Honeymoon"},{"term":"Hush Gel"},{"term":"In This Moment"},{"term":"Jo Malone"},{"term":"LMNL"},{"term":"Ladurée"},{"term":"Luna Lovegood"},{"term":"Memories"},{"term":"Mirror Maze"},{"term":"Oakland"},{"term":"Palo Alto"},{"term":"Picnic"},{"term":"Pixi"},{"term":"Pros and Cons"},{"term":"Santa Clara"},{"term":"Santana Row"},{"term":"Self Love"},{"term":"Ted Baker"},{"term":"Thankful"},{"term":"Thanksgiving"},{"term":"The Rose Garden"},{"term":"Tour"},{"term":"Tsum Tsum"},{"term":"Valentine's Day"},{"term":"Wedding Rings"},{"term":"What I Eat In A day"},{"term":"What My Baby Eats"},{"term":"Whoville"},{"term":"Winchester Mystery House"},{"term":"Younique"},{"term":"Zoo"},{"term":"engagement story"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Ohhjuliana"},"subtitle":{"type":"html","$t":""},"link":[{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#feed","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.ohhjuliana.com\/feeds\/posts\/default"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/400672302414468518\/posts\/default\/-\/Anxiety?alt=json-in-script\u0026max-results=5"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/www.ohhjuliana.com\/search\/label\/Anxiety"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"Juliana "},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/09410637408830790715"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"24","height":"32","src":"\/\/blogger.googleusercontent.com\/img\/b\/R29vZ2xl\/AVvXsEinw98N1LY4v8SvYbQE7_w8QZkoJjgkTZuMxaLciiTGhqEIOsYZtOXCNr7YQTC05lz_vPv4_jABDfn8oJ2giVQ_04s9i77G94gU9ZaprRtLepq-xmeSbo8krD2DNsPoZT0\/s113\/ACS_0224.JPG"}}],"generator":{"version":"7.00","uri":"http://www.blogger.com","$t":"Blogger"},"openSearch$totalResults":{"$t":"2"},"openSearch$startIndex":{"$t":"1"},"openSearch$itemsPerPage":{"$t":"5"},"entry":[{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-400672302414468518.post-6635649749585709892"},"published":{"$t":"2018-05-18T06:00:00.000-07:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2018-09-08T08:31:28.285-07:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Anxiety"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Get To Know Me"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"On The Real"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Anxiety: Part Two"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003Cdiv class=\"separator\" style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"\u003E\n\u003Ca href=\"https:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-ZZkBklrsyks\/WvIFOhcP6nI\/AAAAAAAAFXE\/Uopwqx9dWHYMDiOp0-FZV3AhwSdYNzGWgCLcBGAs\/s1600\/SAM_4319.JPG\" imageanchor=\"1\" style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\"\u003E\u003Cimg border=\"0\" data-original-height=\"1200\" data-original-width=\"1600\" src=\"https:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-ZZkBklrsyks\/WvIFOhcP6nI\/AAAAAAAAFXE\/Uopwqx9dWHYMDiOp0-FZV3AhwSdYNzGWgCLcBGAs\/s1600\/SAM_4319.JPG\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/div\u003E\n\u003Cbr \/\u003E\n\u003Ca name='more'\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\nI've been pushing this post back ever since I published part one of my anxiety story back in 2016, yup thats right. I guess it's about time I concluded my story. If you haven't read my anxiety story part one, I will leave the link for it \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.ohhjuliana.com\/2016\/10\/anxiety-my-story.html\" target=\"_blank\"\u003Ehere\u003C\/a\u003E if you're interested in reading before getting started on part 2. I was very pleased and surprised by all the wonderful feedback I received. It was very heartwarming. This topic has always been \u003Ci\u003Every\u003C\/i\u003E touchy for me since it is a huge fear of mine to ever have to deal with it again. I don't know how often things will become repetitive here, I apologize. Since so much time has passed I don't remember too many details either. That is kind of my fault also since I'm the kind of person who tries to forget all the bad things I've gone through. It makes it easier for me to heal and move forward with life. I'm going to do my best to share as much as I can remember.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\n\u003Cbr \/\u003E\nI think me sharing my story on here is a good thing. I can always come back here, read this, and remember how low I was at one point in my life. I had absolutely no control of the way I was feeling anymore, no control of what felt like anything anymore. I felt \u003Cb\u003Eso\u003C\/b\u003E helpless. It's so sad looking back now. I've come so far from then even though every day will always be a struggle. It's hard but I try to remind myself that I will not let myself become that girl again. Even though I almost failed at that.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\n\u003Cbr \/\u003E\nAnyway, continuing from where I left off. The following morning I anxiously went to my Drs appointment. This was early September. I had never felt so eager to see my Dr. like I did that day. My Dr. agreed that I was indeed experiencing sevre anxiety attack and felt that I should see a therapist. I agreed, anything to help me feel better. She gave me a few days off work I believe until I was able to meet with a therapist. Later in the day, I got a call from someone who helped set me up with a therapist. He had asked me a few questions about how I was feeling and regarding my episodes and agreed that my anxiety was at a high point. Luckily I didn't have to wait too long to see the therapist. The day I met with my therapist, I was so nervous and anxious. I remember they had me fill out a sheet of paper filled with questions and you rate them, for example, a 1-10. One-never and ten-always. Most of the questions were about how I was feeling. If I felt motivated, if I felt like a lost cause, if I felt like a disappointment, and if I felt the world would be better off without me. And the end of the questionnaire\u0026nbsp;you add up your points. They made me do this every single time I went in for an appointment. My score was always on the lower side.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\n\u003Cbr \/\u003E\nMy therapist was the absolute best. She was so sweet so understanding and showed that she genuinely cared about helping me get better. We talked for an hour. I told her about my surgery and how that was incredibly scary for me then all the stress I was going through from work. At the end of our session, she gave ended up giving me some time off from work because it wasn't a good environment for me to be in at that moment. She asked me a couple of questions regarding the questionnaire from earlier. I mentioned above how one of the questions was 'if I had ever felt that the world would be better without me in it'. I answered yes. She asked me if I had ever considered\u0026nbsp;\u003Cb\u003Esuicide\u003C\/b\u003E, and I told her yes I did. I told her I had thought about it so many times but it wasn't something I could ever actually commit to doing. I was too afraid to even do it. She told me she was going to diagnose me with anxiety and depression. From there, she asked me how I felt about also starting to see a psychiatrist. She added that a psychiatrist would be able to prescribe me medications if I chose to go that route. I went ahead and made an appointment to see a psychiatrist to see how she could further help me. I'm telling you guys I felt like I hit rock bottom and needed all the help I could get.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\n\u003Cbr \/\u003E\nI continued to have random attacks. I swear there was no cause for my attacks they would just come pay me a visit at the most random time and places. I felt so scared all the time. I never wanted to go out. I never knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to either remain at home or at Rudy's house. Those two were my safe place. I remember this day clearly. It was on a Saturday, Rudy and I were hanging out at my house and he kept asking me what I wanted to do for the day and I had no idea what to do. I remember just laying in bed with no motivation what so ever to do anything. We stayed laying down in bed for about an hour until he finally said: \"let's go to the mall and walk around\". I felt like a zombie. I remember walking around the mall and I didn't feel like myself. I wasn't myself. It was like I was outside of my body watching myself be zombie like, life-less. In that moment I realized I lost myself and I didn't know who I was anymore. I cried so much and I felt so bad for Rudy too. I could see how bad he was trying to understand and help me. I just didn't have any sort care for anything and it was so hard to accept that and even harder to try and change that.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\n\u003Cbr \/\u003E\nSleeping at night became really hard because\u0026nbsp;\u003Ci\u003Emy own mind was my worst enemy\u003C\/i\u003E. I would lay in bed for hours some days until 4 am because I just couldn't fall asleep. I would finally fall asleep and I'd be up by 8 am. My mind was constantly running and always telling myself horrible things. I kept thinking whats the point anymore and my mind would pretty much tell me \"yup, what is the point\". I was scared of everything always thinking what if this will happen or that, my anxiety was controlling me. I was living in constant fear. I also started to have social anxiety. I lost interest in basically everything and I completely lost my appetite.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\n\u003Cbr \/\u003E\nWhen I finally met my psychiatrist we went all the way back to when I was a kid about to start kindergarten. That's when I learned I had separation anxiety. I also learned that I always felt like I needed to be strong. I would never let myself break down and that's probably why I was so low. It was all catching up to me at once hitting me full force. She asked me if I would be interested in taking medication for my anxiety\/depression. I had just turned twenty-four and having to be on medication for that was scary. So many people were giving me their two-cents and telling me not to even consider it since I was so young... I shouldn't be taking that long-term because it isn't healthy... I was conflicted but I knew I didn't want to feel so anxious and empty anymore. I decided to take medication in hope in finding relief.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\n\u003Cbr \/\u003E\nI was out of work for a couple of months as I went back and forth with both my therapist and psychiatrist. My therapist suggested that I'd try out group therapy and I was not into the idea. Finally, after weeks of trying to convince me to go, I went to one class. It wasn't as bad as I thought but let's just say that was the only class I attended. I prepared myself and tried to be strong. Once everyone started to arrive I felt so anxious and swore that I was about to pass out. My hands got all clammy my heart was beating like crazy. I felt sick to my stomach and I just wanted to run away. I'm not sure how I got control of myself but I did. I remembered what my therapist told me whenever I start to feel anxious to put my hands on my lap and tap them. One at a time and concentrate on that patting pattern. I think that was what helped.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\n\u003Cbr \/\u003E\nAs the days and weeks went by my anxiety was slowly disappearing. The medication was really helping me but sometimes I would feel like it was coming. Like it was right there hanging on about to begin and then... nothing. It was torturous! I can't remember if my psychiatrist\u0026nbsp;changed my medication or had me take more of what I was already taking but after that, it went away. Things got easier, I was able to distract myself and get my life back a little bit at a time. This was when I began messing around with makeup a lot. I realized how much I enjoyed doing makeup especially Halloween looks. I really stepped outside my comfort zone with it and I got really good at it.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\n\u003Cbr \/\u003E\nI finally went back to work early December and my psychiatrist had come to a conclusion that work was a huge trigger to my anxiousness and had given me restrictions. I was only allowed to work mornings until 7 pm and I had to give up my manager position. Things got so much better. I ended up cutting out the medication completely and quite sudden. I began to notice I was gaining a lot of weight and rapidly because of it which was a total bummer. I gained back all the weight I had lost and it's been a real challenge to loose weight since then. I don't regret taking the medication because I was in such a low place at the time I was so desprate and needed help to get myself out of that state of mind. I was toxic to myself, well my mind was and the medication helped get me out of that.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\n\u003Cbr \/\u003E\nHere I am years later and I still struggle with my anxiety. It's never gotten as bad as it was in 2013, although early this year both my anxiety and depression was triggered. It was back for a couple of months and like you'd imagine it was horrible especially since this time I didn't have the comfort of being in my own home. I'm doing a lot better today it's just very hard for me to look back and think about the last couple of months of my life. It's still a very sensitve subject (like all of my anxiety story is) I'm also still trying to deal with it since it was a more tortous situation. I won't touch on this for now. I don't like to get too personal here because at the end of the day it's hard to put of so much of yourself for strangers to read. Maybe some time in the future if and when I'm ready I'll be strong enough to share.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\n\u003Cbr \/\u003E\nI guess this is where I'm ending this post. I'm shocked I finally brought myself to finish writing this post since like I said I've been pushing it off for a couple of year. Thank you for any of you who actually read this and again so sorry if it's all scattered and doesn't make sense at times.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\n\u003Cdiv class=\"separator\" style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"\u003E\n\u003Ca href=\"https:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/-KF20utfjFFg\/WvsYQ6FknTI\/AAAAAAAAFa8\/dAoQovF5oVYhp_sQFFSy1QwaNFCefICFgCEwYBhgL\/s1600\/J-Star.png\" imageanchor=\"1\" style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\"\u003E\u003Cimg border=\"0\" data-original-height=\"52\" data-original-width=\"158\" src=\"https:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/-KF20utfjFFg\/WvsYQ6FknTI\/AAAAAAAAFa8\/dAoQovF5oVYhp_sQFFSy1QwaNFCefICFgCEwYBhgL\/s1600\/J-Star.png\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/div\u003E\n\u003Cdiv class=\"separator\" style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"\u003E\n\u003C\/div\u003E\n"},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.ohhjuliana.com\/feeds\/6635649749585709892\/comments\/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/www.ohhjuliana.com\/2018\/05\/anxiety-part-two.html#comment-form","title":"6 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/400672302414468518\/posts\/default\/6635649749585709892"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/400672302414468518\/posts\/default\/6635649749585709892"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/www.ohhjuliana.com\/2018\/05\/anxiety-part-two.html","title":"Anxiety: Part Two"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"Juliana "},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/09410637408830790715"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"24","height":"32","src":"\/\/blogger.googleusercontent.com\/img\/b\/R29vZ2xl\/AVvXsEinw98N1LY4v8SvYbQE7_w8QZkoJjgkTZuMxaLciiTGhqEIOsYZtOXCNr7YQTC05lz_vPv4_jABDfn8oJ2giVQ_04s9i77G94gU9ZaprRtLepq-xmeSbo8krD2DNsPoZT0\/s113\/ACS_0224.JPG"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"https:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-ZZkBklrsyks\/WvIFOhcP6nI\/AAAAAAAAFXE\/Uopwqx9dWHYMDiOp0-FZV3AhwSdYNzGWgCLcBGAs\/s72-c\/SAM_4319.JPG","height":"72","width":"72"},"thr$total":{"$t":"6"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-400672302414468518.post-804641581152397807"},"published":{"$t":"2016-10-24T13:31:00.003-07:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2018-05-08T15:26:12.095-07:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Anxiety"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Get To Know Me"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"On The Real"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Anxiety: My Story"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003Cdiv class=\"separator\" style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"\u003E\n\u003Ca href=\"https:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-yJj7Xo6vNIs\/WA5veSvZoGI\/AAAAAAAADLw\/cuArLPGxcIkimfq5ouqcg2eHgVqufR3GwCLcB\/s1600\/IMG_6856.jpg\" style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\"\u003E\u003Cimg border=\"0\" height=\"480\" src=\"https:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-yJj7Xo6vNIs\/WA5veSvZoGI\/AAAAAAAADLw\/cuArLPGxcIkimfq5ouqcg2eHgVqufR3GwCLcB\/s640\/IMG_6856.jpg\" width=\"640\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/div\u003E\nThis post may be all over the place so I apologize in advance if it is. I've been wanting to share this on my blog for some time now but at the same time, it's something I didn't want to talk too much about. This is somewhat of a touchy topic for me and it's different to deal with once it's public on the internet. This opens the doors for many people to criticize you and create their own opinions about you without even knowing you. Not many people know this about me unless you know me in real life or are a close friend of mine through social media.\u0026nbsp;I've known for a while that I struggled with anxiety but it wasn't until summer of 2013 that a psychiatrist diagnosed with anxiety and depression. That summer I was at my absolute lowest and I knew I was in desperate need of professional help. During one of my weekly sessions with my therapist or psychiatrist was when I learned that I had been dealing with depression for over twenty years rather than five years like I thought. Let's go back in time to when I was starting kindergarten. I'm going to share with you all my story with anxiety. Where it all started and how it affected me.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\n\u003Cbr \/\u003E\nI was four years old when I first experienced an anxiety attack. I know some of you are probably thinking, how on earth does a four-year-old child have anxiety? Well, I did and I learned from therapy that was because I was struggling with severe separation anxiety. I remember the day so clearly, it was my first day of Kindergarten and my mom took me to school. We were outside hanging out before class started. Once it was time for all the kids to say goodbye to their parents and enter the classroom I began to get extremely \u003Cb\u003Eanxious\u003C\/b\u003E and \u003Cb\u003Epanicky\u003C\/b\u003E. I remember panicking to the point that I grabbed my mom and wouldn't let go crying. I started screaming when the Teachers aid grabbed my arm to take me inside the classroom. My mom promised me that she wouldn't leave and that she would stay right outside the window watching me. That wasn't enough to comfort me. I didn't know what to do but cry. Once inside the class, I kept looking out the window to make sure my mom didn't leave me. It was so bad that once again the Teachers aid had to close the curtains to stop me from looking out the window and pay attention to the teacher. I still remember every single emotion I felt that day so vividly. It was definitely rough and didn't end there. My mom had to accompany me to school and stay by my side every single day of my Kindergarten year. This continued until first grade. As the time went by it got better and eventually, my mom didn't have to come to school with me anymore. Then I forgot all about that anxious feeling I used to get.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\n\u003Cbr \/\u003E\nIt wasn't until I was starting middle school that those old feelings came back. This time it was different because I was much older and my mom couldn't be at my side all day anymore nor did I want her to.\u0026nbsp;The beginning of sixth grade was incredibly tough on me I will never forget it. It was similar to kindergarten only a little worse. I was in a completely new school, unfamiliar, and it was a lot further from home. I didn't know anyone and felt extremely alone which was terrifying. I was so scared to where sometimes I felt paralyzed. I wanted to \u003Cb\u003Erun\u003C\/b\u003E \u003Cb\u003Escreaming\u003C\/b\u003E and hide somewhere, anywhere. I was really afraid of being alone, or left behind, especially forgotten. I had to take the bus to school by myself which was also very scary. I was always in fear if I were to miss the bus and could never get home. Or once I got off the bus if no one would be there waiting for me. I knew I had to be strong like always, and once again it got easier with time passing. After that year I never felt that feeling again and moved on with my life.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\n\u003Cbr \/\u003E\nFast forward to 2008, I've graduated from High School and had my first job. It was a very normal day like any other. Nothing crazy or special happened. I was in the drive-thru with someone getting some food and while waiting in line I began to feel \u003Cb\u003Efunny\u003C\/b\u003E. I couldn't describe or pin point how I was feeling but I felt so strange. I started to feel like my throat was closing on me as if I was having some sort of allergic reaction, even though I've never had one so I don't know how that felt. I started to freak out and wanted to run screaming. I didn't know what was going on with me but I remember feeling like I wanted to rip my throat open so that I could breathe. I was trying not to think about it too much but you know how that goes. All of a sudden I was so tired. I felt exhausted and just wanted to lay down and rest. I just wanted to close my eyes, that was when I felt a little better and more relaxed. I had told my parents how I was feeling once I got home and when my dad saw me trying to sleep he told me not to in case I would stop breathing while sleeping. I think my parents made me feel worse, unintentionally of course. Because of them, I was getting even more anxious. My mom had walked to me and told me how I looked like a ghost because of how pale I was and began crying. Constantly trying to remain strong at that moment I broke down and I couldn't stop crying. I was panicking all over again and the ambulance was called. Once the paramedics took me to the ER I was there for what felt like forever. I remember the nurse hooked me up to machines and you could hear my heart beat which was driving me insane. I kept thinking what if the sounds stops that would mean my heart had stopped. Finally, once the Dr. came he had asked me some questions and told me I had a panic attack. He asked me if there was anything I was worried or stressing over, but there wasn't. It was a normal day like any other. There was no trigger.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\n\u003Cbr \/\u003E\nAfter that day I was constantly freaking out about everything. I never wanted to go out anywhere I wanted to stay home all the time. One time I was at the movies and the theater looked to have been a full house. I started to freak out again and felt claustrophobic which is weird because I'm not. I wanted to run out of there screaming. That was a pattern and felt it was the only thing that running away would solve my problem. The anxiousness lasted for a couple of months then became a horrible memory. I never wanted to back to that ever again.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\n\u003Cbr \/\u003E\nNow we're in 2013 and life seemed pretty good. Rudy and I were together going on a year and I had become a front end manager at the job I was at the time. Everything was going well, I would occasionally stress from the new position at work but it wasn't a big deal. One morning I woke up to stomach pains that went away that same day but made its way back a few weeks later while I was getting ready one morning for work. Regardless of the pain I still went into work in hopes that the pain would eventually subside, but it didn't. The stomach pains were painful and felt like a never ending stabbing pain on my right rib. During my first break at work, I asked my manager if the pain didn't go away if I could go home during lunch but he said no they needed me. Let me tell you guys this manager wasn't necessarily the kindest person. I felt stuck like I had no choice regardless of how much pain I was in I had to stay at work or else I'd get in trouble. Come lunch time the pain is still lingering so I just called my Dr and made an appointment. The pain lasted I want to say eight hours. It ended a few hours before my shift ended.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\n\u003Cbr \/\u003E\nWhen I had my appointment I found out I had a stone in my gallbladder and would need surgery to remove it. I'm sure that surgery isn't anything major but I had never had surgery before in my life so the thought really shook me. I was scared out of my mind but I put up a front and tried to remain strong. The moment I said goodbye to Rudy before being rolled to the operating room I almost broke down. Surgery went well and then it was time to recover. My surgeon had originally given me a week off from work but as the week was ending she extended it to another week because I was still very sore and could barely walk. I went into work to give my manager my Drs note and he gave me so much crap for taking another week off. He kept telling me how he was relying on me to be there because he needed the coverage and I was the only option. I had to open the store because the only other managers were taking the weekend off. The fact that I was still recovering from surgery didn't matter to him one bit. He even wanted me to ignore my Drs note and still come in even though I could have probably gotten fired if anyone found out about that. Regardless I know it shouldn't have but it really stressed me out. I hate disappointing people plus I couldn't help but think he's going to screw me over now.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\n\u003Cbr \/\u003E\nMy first day back to work I felt extremely anxious and I really didn't want to be there. I wasn't ready to be back. My job was a very \u003Ci\u003Ebusy\u003C\/i\u003E \u003Cb\u003Efast paced\u003C\/b\u003E job and I knew it wasn't going to be easy on me. On top of that, I was scheduled to work a full eight hours and that worried me because I was sill moving really slow from surgery and still was pretty sore. I asked my manager if I could work a half shift too slowly get me back into things and he said no. I wanted to cry because I knew the pain I was feeling but I didn't have a choice I \u003Cb\u003Ehad\u003C\/b\u003E to stay there no matter what. By the time I got home I was beyond exhausted and in \u003Cb\u003Epain\u003C\/b\u003E! My incision was so sore I didn't know how I was going to survive another day like that. The following day I went to work for another full day. Still very sore I sucked it and tried to do my best. After my first break, I went back to work and ended up lifting something too heavy and ended up hurting my incision that I had to go home. It felt like I strained something and I had to go to the Dr. She gave me a couple of weeks off since she didn't want anything to open up. I tried to relax during the time I was home but I was stressing out about work. I was so scared to go back to work before I was physically ready and because I knew how upset my manager would be. That was all I could think of and on top of that, he kept bugging me about going back to work.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\n\u003Cbr \/\u003E\nA day or two before I was supposed to be going back to work I was out with a friend hanging out. Out of nowhere, I started to feel\u0026nbsp;\u003Cb\u003Efunny\u003C\/b\u003E. My throat was starting to bother me and slowly felt like it was closing in on me. I started to feel very anxious as soon as I realized what was going on but I tried my hardest not to think about it. Once I got home that feeling didn't go away and ended up getting worse. I started to get extremely \u003Cb\u003Ehot\u003C\/b\u003E and \u003Cb\u003Esweaty\u003C\/b\u003E. When I touched my face and chest I was cold. That was making me even more anxious then I noticed I was \u003Cb\u003Eshaking\u003C\/b\u003E and couldn't stop myself. I ended up calling to talk to a nurse and she gave me some tips to try and relax me in hopes that my anxiety attack would go away. She suggested for me to listens to calm instrumental music and lay on my left side. If things didn't get better but worse she told me to go to the ER. I tried doing what the nurse suggested and nothing was helping. I think I was already so far into my panic that nothing but time would bring me back. While on the phone with the nurse we scheduled an appointment for the next day with my Dr and I just kept thinking about the appointment. There I would get some answers and hopefully, that would help. My mom didn't want to take me to the ER and kept telling me to lay down and relax. This all started around eight or nine and lasted until three am. I kept trying to distract myself but eventually being so tired was what got me to calm down and eventually fall asleep. This was the worst anxiety attack I had ever experienced. From there on all the anxiety attacks I had felt like that some worse than others.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\n\u003Cbr \/\u003E\nAlright, I think this is where I am going to end this post since it's already ridiculously long. I wouldn't be surprised nor would I blame any of you if you choose not to read this. I mainly wanted to share my experience with anxiety, how it all started and how I felt while having one. I'm thinking of doing a part two and there I will continue from where I left off on this post. If you did read this thank you so much it was definitely the hardest post I've ever done. I know a lot more people than we think deals with anxiety. Maybe with this post, someone can relate to me.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\n\u003Cbr \/\u003E\nXO\u003Cbr \/\u003E\nJuliana"},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.ohhjuliana.com\/feeds\/804641581152397807\/comments\/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/www.ohhjuliana.com\/2016\/10\/anxiety-my-story.html#comment-form","title":"10 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/400672302414468518\/posts\/default\/804641581152397807"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/400672302414468518\/posts\/default\/804641581152397807"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/www.ohhjuliana.com\/2016\/10\/anxiety-my-story.html","title":"Anxiety: My Story"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"Juliana "},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/09410637408830790715"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"24","height":"32","src":"\/\/blogger.googleusercontent.com\/img\/b\/R29vZ2xl\/AVvXsEinw98N1LY4v8SvYbQE7_w8QZkoJjgkTZuMxaLciiTGhqEIOsYZtOXCNr7YQTC05lz_vPv4_jABDfn8oJ2giVQ_04s9i77G94gU9ZaprRtLepq-xmeSbo8krD2DNsPoZT0\/s113\/ACS_0224.JPG"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"https:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-yJj7Xo6vNIs\/WA5veSvZoGI\/AAAAAAAADLw\/cuArLPGxcIkimfq5ouqcg2eHgVqufR3GwCLcB\/s72-c\/IMG_6856.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"},"thr$total":{"$t":"10"}}]}});